To the girl who cares a lot: be a savage for the summer
Updated: Aug 29
What's it like to be a savage and not give a f***? I genuinely would like to know, because I have no idea. Furthermore, what does it even mean to be a "savage"?
*in my commercial voice* Today's post is inspired by my best friends in my head: the lovely ladies of Black Girl Podcast (I've written about them before, go check that post out!) Last week, on episode 32, Professor Scottie Beam lead a discussion in a class rightfully termed: Savage 101. The class was free but the information was gold.
Is there a different meaning for savage than its most common one? Are women less open to being a savage because it's supposedly "a man thing to do"? Do men feel intimidated when they hear women want to play the role of a savage? Can you care and still be a savage?
First, let's define what it means to be savage. Here's how the ladies of BGP describe savagery: not explaining yourself to someone you're not exclusive with, being carefree and less pressed about what could happen with someone, having more than one person of interest, having no expectations, living in your moment and reclaiming/being selfish with your time.
That's quite a definition, don't you think? And to be completely honest, it's the opposite of what I was expecting to hear! I thought I was going to hear something along the lines of being a total a-hole, taking advantage of someone and ruining their life without so much as a warning. Ouch, right?
By all means, I am not even close to being a savage. I, like Gia, care a lot. I don't want to hurt anyone, waste their time, or make them feel like something's there when it's not. I am a hopeless romantic. I LOVE love. And yes, I've fallen into the trap of thinking dating someone will lead to a happy, boy-meets-girl-they-fall-in-love, fairy tale ending. I suck the fun out of dating (fun sucker!) because I expect a lot and don't know what it means to just enjoy a moment and not be pressed for a future with someone.
Phew! That was a lot. The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?
Please, tell me I'm not the only one that's like this or that has been like this. Anyway...
If you are like me or Gia, and you're wondering if you can be a savage- even if it's just for the summer... You can be! And it doesn't have to come at the cost of you being someone who doesn't care about hurting others, because let's face it- that's just not you. But I think it can be a good experience to be more carefree when approaching situations. Everyone ain't "the one".
And I get it, there's such a thing as dating with purpose, but that's not what this is about. And I also understand that dating can be quite exhausting- especially with the very small pool of quality men to choose from. HOWEVER, I do think it's possible to just enjoy spending time with someone or multiple people and having fun (personally, that does not include sexual relations).... and that's it.
Be careful with your energy though! Be careful with who you give it to and be careful with the type of energy you let in. As the ladies explained on the podcast, savagery can be about learning yourself, being clear about what you want, and setting your own boundaries. You don't have to make yourself available for someone all of the time, be stingy with your access card.
Let me reiterate, you don't have to morph into a completely different human being who just doesn't care. You can stay true to the caring, I-love-love person that you are. But if you want to try a new thing where you don't go into every situation with a list of expectations, and already painted picture of the future and overall feeling of pressed-ness (yes, I made that up) then try being a savage! I think it's ultimately what you make it to be.
Maybe something will happen, maybe something won't.
And as my good sis Scottie stated at the end of the episode: Being a savage is not a means to keep people around because you're scared to be alone.
So, who wants to be a savage for the summer?
Thanks for reading, and don't forget... Be great! xoxo.