• Kiah.

Staying Friends With An Ex?

Updated: Aug 29

My life just got a little more exciting because the third season of Insecure premiered this past Sunday! And yes, ladies and gentlemen, that means the arguments on your timelines are about to ensue. There's no more #TeamLawrence and I am rejoicing!

As usual, after watching Insecure it led me to think about real-life experiences as they relate to the show. What real-life experiences am I talking about this time?

Staying friends with an ex... or should I say NOT staying friends with an ex.

Lawerence's absence on this season of Insecure made all of the sense in the world to me, but apparently those who still continue to stan for Lawrence and his presence on the show didn't get it. That's her ex, and as her ex, it's his job to ex-it out of her life. Keep him around for what?

Definitely not to be "friends".

Remaining friends with an ex did at one point have some appeal to me, but that was mostly because I felt the need to prove that I was mature enough to do so and plus social media blah blah blah. But ultimately, I just don't see the point in staying friends with or staying connected to an ex. Well, unless there's a child involved, but other than that... Nah, I'm good.

There's a certain level of intentionality with boundaries that has to be considered at all times and quite frankly I don't feel like exerting the energy to make sure I don't cross the blurred lines that separate me and an ex. Having to always make sure I'm being conscious about the feelings I have towards them feels like an unnecessary necessity.

I don't know the statistics or anything, but I'm willing to bet that a large majority of the time one person still has feelings for the other (example: Issa told Daniel she still likes him, although I'm not really sure if he's considered an ex). Why go through that emotional rollercoaster just to remain friends with someone? Leave them where they're at.

It just seems unnecessary to keep an ex in your life after the relationship has ended, even if there's no bad blood and the relationship ended on a good note. And if the relationship did end horribly then you most definitely shouldn't even entertain the thought of being friends with that person!

I know ultimately people are going to do what they want, because... duh they can. However, I just wonder: How do you move forward in a new relationship while maintaining a friendship with an ex? Is it an actual friendship or does one person just have selfish intentions and only wants to keep the other around to always have a way in and disguise it as "friendship"? Does keeping an ex around add value to your life or is it just comfortable?

To me, staying friends with an ex can rob you of the ability to really let go of a relationship that has run its course. We all learn and grow (hopefully, we all do) being in a relationship with someone, and when it ends that's our cue to take those lessons and apply them in whatever way we see fit as we continue moving forward in life and in love.

Moving forward with your life doesn't have to mean you take them with you because you think both of you can still be good friends. You can be cordial with them without keeping them in such close proximity.

So, how do you see it? Are you down for staying friends with an ex(s) or are you like me and don't feel the need to? Let ya girl know!

Thanks for reading, and don't forget... be great! xoxo.

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